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Arcania: Sweet angel dust

25/11/10 || Lord K Philipson

Arcania is such a shitty name at least 3 bands decided to use it. One from Sweden, some Dutch idiots and this one here, the French fuckos. The band themselves claim that this CDR with xeroxed cover is actually a “real” record since it’s released on some label called Great Dane Records (wtf?). Alrighty then, as Ace Ventura would have put it, let’s see what these excrement-eating muthafuckers got in store for us.

Their attached press-sheet (also poorly xeroxed with their fantastically ugly logo on top of it) boldly states things like these various quotes from unimportant people and websites: “If every such young bands composed albums of this quality, the French Metal scene would be incredibly rich. A real masterpiece.”, “this mini album reminds me of “Master of puppets” what is not a slender compliment” and “riffs are creatives, at once epic and nostalgic, and the atmosphere is such deseparet, what would almost urge me to consider this band as emo-thrash.”

I HAVE NO FUCKEN IDEA WHAT HALF OF THOSE SENTENCES MEAN!

“Master of puppets”, huh? Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaally?! Lemme put it like this: these guys sure sound like Metallica sometimes since they definitely nicked tons of riffs and shit from said losers, but it’s hardly anything even close to the Metallica we love. Just listen to the 4th track where they have stolen fucken “No leaf clover” so amateurishly it’s not even funny. To claim their song is theirs should be punishable by death. Fucken shameful. Or listen to track 6 (I don’t have the fucken strength to type their titles more than necessary) and tell me what song by Metallica they decided to steal from for that one.

I have a hard time dealing with bands who work like this (hello, Ektomorf. Sepultura called and wanted their songs back), bands with no self-insight whatsoever who think it’s ok to bluntly steal another band’s sound and who don’t even have the fucken courtesy of being ashamed of it. Fuck you all.

No, Arcania don’t sound like Metallica all the time. Occasionally they sound like fucken Trivium, another band who shamelessly steal from Metallica and fails at it. Makes sense. And hey, Arcania: it doesn’t fucken work to incorporate what’s supposed to be blastbeats on top of happy riffs. It sounds like shit and doesn’t take away from the fact that this is a poor attempt at trying to steal the songs and riffs of the glory days of thrash metal. And when they get tired of that they simply steal music from Gojira (track 5). I could go on like this all day. Arcania’s got fucken nothing that would indicate a personal sound. Like you guys sing in the second track: “Where is your self-esteem?”

I could have been giving this a:

But since you piss me off and are nothing but a bunch of French thieves, you get a well-deserved:

3,5

Information
Released: 2010
Label: Great Dane Records
Website: Arcania MySpace
Band
Cyril Peglion: vocals, guitars
Nicholas Alberny: guitars
Guillaume Rossard: bass
Olivier Chene: drums

Tracklist
01. Sweet Angel Dust (just say no to drugs)
02. No End (to the thievery)
03. Memento (is a great flick)
04. Leave My Mind (you bad, bad Metallica riff)
05. Against My Fear (the riff won’t leave)
06. As We Fall (into James Hetfield’s pubic hair)
07. Interlude (to Lars Ulrich’s arsehole)
08. This Man Failed (to crawl out of said arsehole)
09. My Funeral (will be attended by 400 erected penises)

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